your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
