YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
