Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
