Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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