just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize