ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
high people should be assigned attendants
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
