I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
