When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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