the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
