You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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