I would go down on you faster than GM stock
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
