well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
