It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
