I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
