That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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