Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
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