I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
last night I used snow as a chaser
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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