so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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