It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
