so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
