i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
