Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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