im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I party with great urgency now.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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