soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
