you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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