I have demons in me.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
