you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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