So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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