I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
