I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
