If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
