i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize