why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
