I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
