My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
