I wish my penis had an off switch
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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