it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
