I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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