True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
