I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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