Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize