xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
