The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Oh god it's open bar.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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