I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
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