I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
