Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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