he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
