I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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