I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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