You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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