Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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