Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
