Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You have to summon your inner elephant
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
