Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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