is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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