Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
