help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
