was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Four minutes until I can fart!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
