Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
