In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
