I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
In America we eat man semen.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
