tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
