you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize