So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just pee around me
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You've changed since you got that strap on
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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