with your own penis?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
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