Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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