Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
