oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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