I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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