hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
