is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
