I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
